Harsh Words

There are times when certain harsh words can completely get into your head and have a very harsh effect on you. They could take a long time to recover from and sometimes even completely break a person beyond recovery. And sometimes when you think you are over it, they could come back to haunt you bringing back all those hurt and tears and pain. The worst part is sometimes those harsh words can break a person down completely. A beautiful person could start believing over a period of time that they are indeed worthless, bad and ugly. An intelligent person can start thinking, they are foolish and completely lose their self-confidence.

Harsh words can sometimes be abusive as well…

But the good news is, you can completely heal and forget and be peaceful and NEVER be haunted by it.

I think everyone at some point in their life goes through this issue of facing Harsh Words. I was talking to a really sweet girl sometime back. She was upset that something harsh had been said to her and we discussed a few things which was something I found useful too and I thought I should write this down. I want to share three points here.

Point 1 – Look UP to God

In Numbers 21, there is this incident where venomous snakes bit the children of Israel. They come running to Moses for a remedy and God tells to Moses to put up a bronze snake. God says to Moses that - …” anyone who is bitten can look at it and live”… John 3: 14 compares the lifting up of the Bronze Snake in the wilderness to the cross.

Negative words can have the effect of a venomous snake in our life. The words bite you and cause pain and the pain slowly spreads. You, of course, try to forget it, but they don’t go away. They keep coming back causing fresh tears and heartache every time they are back. They spread like poison in your body. You lose your peace. You lose your self-confidence. You start believing those words. And slowly, very slowly the poison has spread and starts destroying the person you are meant to be, and you begin to die. And eventually the beautiful, chirpy person is replaced by a dead lifeless person with no confidence. But there’s good news, God’s word says – When you are bitten by a venomous snake, you don’t have to die, you could look UP to the cross and live. Just look up to Jesus. Don’t allow yourself to think about what was said. It’s not easy but it’s possible. God knows you’ve been bitten and He wants to help. So look UP to the cross, look UP to God and you will live. God will remove every effect of those words and remove all the venom and You Will Live!!!

Point 2 – It’s not You!!

This was something that took me a long time to realise. It’s something that I learnt probably in the last recent year. It’s not about you!!
 

What someone says is a reflection of who they are. Healthy, Good, Nice people says nice things. Hurting people say hurting things. When someone says something ugly, hurtful and bad, it’s more a reflection of who they are than who you are. So NEVER Ever let yourself believe anything those words would say. For some maybe it’s not a thing of the past but an on-going thing. Always remember, it’s not about you. Always choose, make a conscious decision, to not believe any of it. It’s not about you!!

Point 3 – Be Assertive

Usually when someone is rude or hurtful, and especially when it’s an on-going thing, it can cause one to get angry and be aggressive. But by being aggressive the only thing you do is become a little more like the person you are dealing with. I remember this girl I was talking to, she is a beautiful person and I remember her saying that she planned on talking back to the person who hurt her in exactly the same way they did to her, so they would know how it felt. I asked her, how she would feel if one day she was exactly like this person she was dealing with? And she said she would hate that. And I told her that every time she talked back to the person, the way they did to her, all she achieved was to become a little more like that person and this would go on and on, till one day she would completely be that person. 

But at the same time, just sitting quietly and being bullied and pushed around is not the answer either. Jesus didn’t sit quietly when the Pharisees and His enemies tried to put Him in trouble. Sometimes we think that maybe if we are quiet and ignore what’s happening, maybe it would just go away. From my experience I have seen, it just makes matter worse, making the attacker more and more powerful knowing no one is going to question what they do or say.
So what is being Assertive? Wikipedia says this - a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's rights or point of view.

For some, being Assertive comes naturally but for most, it needs to be learnt, as a skill. Learn about how you can communicate in an Assertive way. Make sure you communicate. If the person actually means well, they would get your side of the story. If the person does not mean well, they at least know that you are not going to take it lying down.

Most important, Pray. Pray for God’s wisdom to handle the situation. No amount of harsh or ugly words, rude tones, manipulations can stand before the wisdom of God!!! So Pray and Pray and Pray for God’s wisdom. For God’s guidance. For the strength and courage to speak up and to do what is right. For strength to not react in anger. For strength not to let any of it affect the beautiful person that you are. For strength to forgive. For strength and the wisdom to move on!!!

Ephesians 4: 26, 27 - … You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.

Proverbs 12: 18 - Rash language cuts and maims, but there is healing in the words of the wise.

Isaiah 54: 17 - But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. This [peace, righteousness, security, triumph over opposition] is the heritage of the servants of the Lord [those in whom the ideal Servant of the Lord is reproduced]; this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me [this is that which I impart to them as their justification], says the Lord.

Mark 10: 27 - … “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you let God do it.”