Fw: The Pain of forgiveness

08/21/08
The Pain of Forgiveness
Rachel Tulloch
 
I was recently captured by a story told by Wendell Berry about two friends
who lived in a small community in Kentucky in the year 1912.  Ben Feltner
and Thad Coulter were part of a close-knit agrarian community with strong
ties to each other, to the land, and to hard work.  Yet tragedy ensued
when Thad invested in a risky business deal with his son and lost out.
Humiliated and falling into despair, Thad drank himself into a stupor and
then headed over to ask his friend Ben for help.  Ben did not want to
discuss options with Thad in his condition, and so refused to talk with
him until the next day when he was sober.  However, Thad succumbed to the
darkness creeping over him and returned home to get his gun, which he then
used to shoot Ben Feltner in a drunken rage.  The rest of the story was a
beautiful tale of forgiveness and mercy offered by Ben's family and the
community.  Yet sadly, Thad himself was unable to experience that
forgiveness because he could not bear to live knowing he had killed his
best friend, and so ended his own life.
 
The narrator then makes this profound comment: "People sometimes talk of
God's love as if it's a pleasant thing.  But it is terrible, in a way.
Think of all it includes.  It included Thad Coulter, drunk and mean and
foolish, before he killed Mr. Feltner, and it included him
afterwards."(1)
 
"God's love is terrible, in a way.  Think of all it includes."  I have
often been asked, "Could not God have forgiven people without going
through the pain and the violence of the cross?"  As nice as that sounds,
reality forces me to ask: When is forgiveness not painful?  True
forgiveness cannot occur unless the hurt is acknowledged and called for
what it is.  When you look a wrong full in the face but choose to accept
the hurt instead of returning it on the one who did it, that is always
painful.
 
Jesus illustrates forgiveness by telling the story of a servant who owes
his master more money than he could possibly repay (See Matthew 18:21-35).
 The master originally threatens to sell the servant's family and
possessions to get some return for the debt, but when the servant begs for
mercy, the master is gracious and forgives the debt.  Yet the same servant
not only refuses to forgive the debt of his fellow servant, but also has
him thrown in prison as punishment.
 
Sometimes we treat forgiveness and justice as though they are mutually
exclusive.  If we choose the way of justice, we think the options are
reparations or retribution--either the guilty person makes up for a wrong
or is punished for it.  These are the only options the servant offered his
debtor.  Since the second servant could not repay, he was then
punished.  However, the master chose the way of mercy when he
forgave the debt, neither requiring reparation nor inflicting retribution.
 If God has really forgiven us like the master forgave the servant, we ask,
then why all the pain and death of the Cross?  Does the Cross undermine
God's mercy?  Is it merely an underhanded way for God to force repayment
from humanity or exact punishment on us?
 
In asking these questions, we betray a misunderstanding of both justice
and forgiveness.  Justice can never be achieved by reparation or
retribution alone, because like the servants' debts, true wrongs can never
be repaid.  The hurt and pain caused are not reversible.  Punishing the
guilty person does not undo the hurt either, even if it brings brief
satisfaction to the victim, just as the first servant did not get his
money back simply because the other man was in jail.  Justice must be
about much more than balancing out the wrongs of the world.  It must be
about making things right, about the kind of restoration that does
not reverse the pain, but moves beyond it toward something new.
 
And just as wrongs cannot be erased by punishment or repayment, they
cannot really be erased by simple forgiveness either.  When the master
forgives the servant's debt, the debt does not simply disappear.  The
master takes the loss!  He accepts the full brunt of the debt himself.
 Similarly, when a person forgives, he or she accepts the full brunt of the
hurt or injustice rather than returning it on the one who caused it.
Although it is painful, this is the way that healing and restoration
begin.  This is why there is no way to avoid the bloody Cross.  And this
is why God's love is terrible.  Think of what it includes: us, with
our best and our worst, with our failed attempts and outright cruelty, with
our wrong motives for right actions and our right motives for wrong
actions... us, with the mess we have made of the world, with our
brokenness and despair, with our rebellions and inadequacies.  We
are the ones included in and redeemed by the deep and wide love of God.
Paul is astonished by this reality when he emphasizes that Christ died for
us while we were still sinners! (Romans 5:8).
 
Instead of demanding that we pay what we cannot, instead of punishing us
for not paying what we cannot, the God we see in Jesus Christ accepts the
loss himself and opens his arms even to those who would murder him.  The
Cross does not represent God's mercy being tamed by his anger; rather, it
demonstrates that God's mercy is much bigger than we think.  The Cross is
a graphic picture of God's terrible love.  Think of all it includes.
 
Rachel Tulloch is associate apologist at Ravi Zacharias International
Ministries in Toronto, Canada.
 
(1) Wendell Berry, "Pray Without Ceasing," in That Distant Land,
(Washington DC: Shoemaker Hoard, 2004), 69.
 
 
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Earnest Prayer - 26th June 2008

Earnest Prayer
26th June 2008

Recently I was given a list of bible verse references and asked to look up the references and write the verses down. This was to be actually used in a message. Most of the verses there was about prayer. I know that Jesus often withdrew in prayer but reading these verses showed how often. There was one verse which said ‘Very early in the morning’ Jesus withdrew to pray. There was another verse which said Jesus ‘continued all night in prayer to God’. And sometimes he just withdrew for days to be alone in prayer. One verse in particular appealed to me. And that was from Luke 22:44. It went this way-

"And being in great anguish, he prayed more earnestly"

Everybody in this world have some problem or the other. No one is problem free. Jesus had his own problems too and how did he handle them? He handled them with wisdom and courage. When Jesus was in this earth, He was as human as you and me. So where did His wisdom and courage come from? The bible says – If anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously without finding fault. Jesus spent a lot of time with His Father. He spent a lot of time talking and listening to Him and I’m sure He asked God for wisdom to handle and tackle tough situations efficiently and God gave Him all the wisdom He needed.

The best way to come out of a tricky situation is by praying. It may be a small problem or a big one. It could be something you landed in because you were wrong. But irrespective of the problem or whose mistake, the good news is that, when you call to God for help, He WILL help.
During this time when God spoke to me through this verse I was going through a tough time myself and I didn’t know how to handle things. I didn’t have the wisdom or the courage. I did pray but after some time of praying and seeing myself in the same situation, I kind of worried more and prayed less. It was during this time that God spoke to me through this verse. When Jesus was in great anguish, what did he do? He prayed more earnestly. The word ‘more’ shows that Jesus had been praying all along but when he got into a situation which caused great anguish, he didn’t quit praying and start worrying or he didn’t start praying lesser, or he didn’t start doubting his prayers and questioning God. He just began to pray 'more' earnestly. The worse the problem got, the more he prayed.

So His anguish was directly proportional to His prayers. It was like telling the devil – The more you cause anguish for me, the closer I get to God. There was no one who influenced the world more than Jesus. If you and I want our lives to show and glorify Jesus, the best example for us is Jesus. And our example, Jesus, prayed more earnestly when in anguish.

I learned it the hard way but yes I have seen the power of prayer. Whenever something upsets me I usually tend to either complaint or fight and sometimes even if I decided to pray, as I prayed, at the back of my mind I would actually be so angry and thinking horrible, bad thoughts. I would think of ways I could solve the issue which would most of the time just land me in more trouble. I don’t say that I am perfect today but yes, I have learned that nothing is better than praying when you want a problem solved.

Today if in anguish or upset I would either immediately withdraw to a quiet corner to pray or ask Jerry to pray with me, for me. Be it an hour or even just 5 minutes, I would just cry it out at the feet of Jesus and leave it there for Him to handle and then walk out free.

There was a time I thought that, there were some kind of situations where you were totally helpless, where you could do nothing. But today I know that there is no such situation. Simply cos my hope today is in Jesus and I have discovered the power of praying. I always knew God answers prayers and I always knew God is a powerful God but that was mere knowledge, with no wisdom added to it. But today I have seen the power of prayer. It’s about praying persistently and not getting discouraged when things get worse but like Jesus, praying more earnestly and like the Bible says – The effective, earnest prayer of a righteous man availeth much.


James 5:17 - Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops.
Luke 22:44 - And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground

Swiftly In Its Time - 16th April 2008

In the beginning of creation, God made Adam and put him in charge over everything that was. He was to rule over everything and God met up with Adam quite often and they had their morning and evening walks together (I suppose). Adam had everything – a beautiful home, wonderful animal friends, a great relationship with the Lord, good food – everything……. or almost everything cause something was amiss. Adam wanted someone to share all this with. Someone human. He was getting lonely. God created Adam and definitely knew every emotion and feeling of his. Then why didn’t God create Eve right when he had created Adam. But God had a time for Eve to be created and till such time, Adam had to wait. And in its time, God did it swiftly. Adam went to sleep and woke up to find Eve by his side. Just like that!! But he had to wait. Are you in Adam’s place?

God told Noah he was to build a ship because the earth was to be flooded to punish the wicked. Noah set about the work according to the specifications God gave him. Well he was definitely doing something God told him to, but building a ship on dry land did look ridiculous. Noah must have thought – Of all things why a Ship, God? But that was the way God wanted it for His own good reason. Noah kept at it, through probably the ridicule and taunt. He was just obeying God but was looking foolish. That is till the rain came and proved who the foolish ones were. Till then Noah had to do what God asked him to do even it meant looking foolish. Are you in Noah’s place?

Abraham was asked to leave his country, his family, everything he had grown up with and go. But go where?? Did that make any sense? God said he was going to make him a big nation. Abraham must have thought – ‘God, forget about a nation, you could start with giving me a son’. And what did God have to say – ‘It will be done swiftly in its time’. Oh boy, and did Abraham wait. The old man reached 100 and was still waiting. Waiting for the child God promised. God blessed him with a fabulous son, Isaac. Till then Abraham waited, waited for God’s time. Are you in Abraham’s place?

Joseph was sold by his own brothers as a slave in a foreign land. The very guys who were supposed to take care of him and protect him were the ones who were selling him off. Joseph arrives in a strange land with a strange culture, a strange language, strange people. Nothing in his life had prepared him for this. He was absolutely pampered by his father but a strange turn of events lands him a slave. He slogs day in and day out, in a house not his, making sure everything is in place and in order and what does he receive for everything he has given to this family – he gets thrown into jail. His dream is tested again and again. Things just seem to go from bad to worse. No one to stand up for him and support him, far away from his family, among strangers and at their mercy. Eventually he is made their ruler, ruler of the very strangers he was sold to. King’s dream, its interpretation and Joseph is made the ruler. Things happened real fast. Swiftly in its time but till its time, Joseph had to endure. Are you in Joseph’s place?

Shepherd David is running for his life. It all started the magnificent day Prophet Samuel anoints him as the future king of Israel. Wasn’t this supposed to bring him honour? Why was he hiding and running and running and hiding? David might have thought – Am I just thinking it up or does God really want me to be the next king? His life is in danger. His life is on the run. Till the day Shepherd David turns King David. Till then David trusted God and praised Him even while running for his life. Are you in David’s place?

Whatever situation you are in today, whether waiting for your Eve or waiting for your baby Isaac or waiting for the rain or waiting for the promised dream or waiting for the promised crown, remember your wait is not forever. Its only till the right time, God’s time. In its right time, God will do it swiftly. Till then we have to wait trusting God. Keep trusting God and believe that what He has planned and promised will surely come to pass. Hold onto Him and believe Him when He says – “I am the LORD; in its time I will do this swiftly”


Isaiah 60:22b – “….I am the LORD; in its time I will do this swiftly.”

I Will Hold Your Hand - 19th March 2008

I Will Hold Your Hand

Sometime back my husband, Jerry and I were watching something on TV which was a real interesting story but then started getting a little scary after awhile. Usually I don’t like to watch any program that is scary because I get real scared and it ends up disturbing my mind. But by then I was curious about how the story would end. Jerry knows very well about how I react to such programs and so he said he’d switch over to some other channel but by then I had gotten interested and so I said it was okay.

Now the story began getting a little scary and as it got scary, Jerry turned towards me and took my hand and said – "I want to hold your hand because I know you’d be scared".

"I want to hold your hand because I know you’d be scared"

There are times when strange situations and problems have risen in my life and I have felt really helpless about how I was going to tackle them or how I was going to get through. I know very well that since I am a child of God nothing happens in my life without God’s permission and that God is in control. I also know without a doubt that whatever my Father permits in my life will definitely be for my good. The Lord shall do that which is good (Psalm 68:12). My heart knows this fact and holds on to it strongly but then there are moments when I am really scared despite knowing this.

There is a verse in the Bible which says "God has not given to us a Spirit of fear." But even then God understands our humanness and He’s not going to be judgmental. I realize how much God understands my heart and knows every feeling that crosses through. I’m sure because of the love He has for me, He is going to take my hand in His and hold it tight as I walk through the path He has laid out for me and say, "My dear child, I want to hold your hand because I know you are scared."

I joined a new job at the start of this month and I was a little nervous about the first day because my job profile was going to be a lot more challenging than what I had done earlier and also because this was a new city and I was not sure about how people and things here would be. When I told this to Jerry, he said not to worry saying he was sure I would do great. He came with me to office the first two days and stayed around till about noon and made sure I was okay and only then left to his office. I know I was behaving like a kid going to school for the first time. But it was a great encouragement to know that Jerry was around.

Whenever Jerry knows that I am nervous about something or upset about something he makes sure he is around and that he is there for me. It’s wonderful to experience this kind of love and I thank God for the love he has created in us for each other. If love that is created is so thoughtful and caring and giving, how much more would be the Creator’s Love.

I once heard Joyce Meyer say this – Why do you think David kept saying ‘I am not afraid’ and ‘I shall not fear’ over and over again?? It’s not because he was fearless but he was afraid as well and decided to make positive confessions and so he went ‘I am not afraid because God is with me’ ‘I shall not fear because God is at my side’ ‘A thousand may fall at my right and a ten thousand at my left but no harm shall befall me’.

I have learnt two beautiful lessons out of this. One, remember God holds your hand. No matter what you’re going through. It may be a result of some wrong we have done or a way of God getting us ready for His work. Nevertheless, regardless of what or why or when, He holds my hand whenever He knows I am scared. Two, Confess out loudly like David ‘I shall not fear’. Don’t believe anything anyone else has to say. He loves us a real real lot. More than we could ever imagine. And while you may be wondering ‘Why God Why??’ He would gently take your hand in His and tell you lovingly "I want to hold your hand because I know you are scared".

Isaiah 41:13 - For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Because He Lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He Lives, All fear is gone
Because I know, He holds my future
And life is worth the living just because He lives