Tuesday, November 17, 2015

What if the guy needs to be rescued too?

Just finished watching a movie where a prince sweeps a girl off her feet. The guy loves the girl. The girl has to face too many hardships and each time there is a problem, the guy shows up. And every each time he takes care of the problems for her. And every each time he wipes her tears from her eyes. And every each time he pulls her back on to her feet. And every each time he rescues her. And towards the end, in true royalty style, he sweeps her off her feet and they sail off into their happily ever after.

Gosh, I love such movies ! I don’t know how many such movies I have watched.. Sometimes it’s just a nice way to relax. But there are times these movies have also influenced me. I have sometimes sat watching them with a tissue paper in my hand, with a sadness and a longing to be rescued.

But for the last week or so, I have had this thought, or rather a question running in my head – What if the guy needs to be rescued too?

We have all kind of movies, where the girl is a damsel in distress and a knight in shining armour comes along and rescues her. And somehow that has deluded our thinking and made us feel entitled to be treated in a certain way. But what if it’s a delusion, a lie. And what if we are trying to live a lie and forcing the lie to be our reality. Don’t we want gender equality? Then why the rescuing? What if the guy needs to be rescued too?

We have grown up with amazing fathers. Our fathers love us, protect us, are extremely protective about us. They don’t see any fault in us. They shower us with praises and compliments, tell us we are the most beautiful, shower us with hugs and kisses. They make us feel like a princess. And somehow when we get married we expect our husbands to pick up that mantle. To take the place of our fathers and make us feel like princesses. And when they fail, they fall from the standards that we have built in our head. He has to stand tall and treat us like a princess. He has to rescue us. But what if the guy needs to be rescued too.

What if God did not create us to be damsels in distress? What if God actually created us to be strong powerful women? Women who live each day, through God’s Grace, in a powerful way. Women who stand strong and tall. Women who take the problems by its horns and face them head on. Women who, no matter how rough the storm, stand strong in prayer. Women, whose lives are so built in the rock that they cannot be shaken. Women, who do the rescuing.

When God created marriage, I don’t think he brought a rescuer and a victim together. He brought two people together, to grow together, to take care of each other, to rescue each other. And each should be thinking – ‘How can I rescue the other?’ and not ‘How can I be rescued?’.

Do you know why? Because the rescuing has already been done. God did it on the cross. He is our King. He is our Prince. To put that burden on a human shoulder would be too hard to bear. We have already been rescued. Yayy !! Good news !!!

So now that we know this. We need to live it out. I think our husbands would love that the ‘princess in distress’ is replaced by a queen who fights by his side. Mine, definitely, would !

Princess Syndrome – Love me, treat me like royalty, make me feel loved, make me feel special
Queen Syndrome – I will love you and make you feel like royalty and make you feel special.

Princess Syndrome – How dare you do something I don’t like? I’m going to be mad, and yell and be mad some more and yell some more.
Queen Syndrome - Is something wrong? I am going to fix this. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Princess Syndrome – I don’t like this and it’s too hard. I cannot do this anymore.
Queen Syndrome – I am going to try again and again and again. And keep on keeping on. Because I trust God.

Princess Syndrome – Immature, foolish, childish
Queen Syndrome – Mature, Wise, Child of God

Speaking from personal experience, I think the only way to move from the princess syndrome to the queen syndrome is through God. Ask for help and strength and God is gracious to help us live like the strong women he created us to be.

Marriage is more about giving than receiving. It’s more about taking care of than being taken care of. It’s more about making the other person feel loved and special, rather than making sure I am loved and special. It’s more about the other person, than about me. And the princess syndrome is against all of this.

Marriage is probably the hardest place to honour God. But this is where God is honoured the most. And the more we honour him in our marriage, the more we see doors open and God’s blessings flow in. Marriage is about how much I truly love God.

We do look up for encouragement and assurances from our husbands. But let’s not make that the base of our self-worth or how we feel or the strength of our marriage. It’s important we tell them what we’d like and how they can support us but then also remember to draw your strength and your support from God. Draw your self-worth, and your peace from God.

And live out your life and your marriage as the strong women God created us to be. As Queens. As women of God.

Happy Rescuing !! J

Proverbs 14:1 - The wise woman builds her house [on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives], But the foolish one [who lacks spiritual insight] tears it down with her own hands [by ignoring godly principles].

Matthew 19: 6a - So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 

Ephesians 5:33 - However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].