Jesus Wept...

Ah ! To see that smiling face ! And the warmth and love with which we were welcomed into this beautiful family’s home.

It was after a day of hard work. We were hungry and tired. My friends and I didn’t have a place to go to, to rest for the evening.

So it was joy and relief to see the big smile on the lady’s face and the love with which we were welcomed to her home. Her home was beautiful. Just looking at it, you would know this was a hardworking, efficient woman, who was very well organised and diligent.

Her name was Martha. A warm beautiful girl. I could see how she hustled about fixing food, water and everything else to make sure I was comfortable and to make sure I felt at home. Every once in a while she would come and ask if we needed anything and then rush to the kitchen. I knew she was preparing a big meal. And I knew she was doing that to show how much she loved me and how much she wanted to honour me.

By the time we had come into the home and made ourselves comfortable, her sister, Mary came running in. She was genuinely happy, almost relieved to see me at her home. She was super excited to say the least.

Mary was just such a warm sweet person. She was just all heart. She came bounding towards me and made her home at my feet. She sat there and never left my side for a moment.

And we got talking and as we talked, I realised how less Mary spoke. She was eager to hear everything I had to say. She sat there, looking up at me with those beautiful eager eyes. I could see in her eyes how much she wanted to know about God and how hungry she was to learn about God. I spoke and she listened and her heart absorbed everything like a sponge. She listened continuously to all that I said.

Martha was a little upset that Mary wasn’t helping much, and I had to remind Martha how God’s word is more important than food and how Mary had chosen what was better.

Mary was happy she didn’t have to leave my side and miss out on what I had been saying. I could see the love and adoration in her eyes.

Mary was like a child. She wanted to know. She wanted to learn. She had a beautiful big heart. After trying to reason with Pharisees and undoubting people, it was a pleasure and happiness to talk to Mary.

After having our meal there and spending some time with this beautiful family, it was time to leave.

A few days later, I see someone walk towards where I was sitting. In fact everyone had noticed this person walk in, because of the strong perfume she had been carrying. It had a beautiful scent and you could know by its scent that it was expensive. This someone, was Mary. I was very happy to see Mary. She understood what I spoke. She believed what I said. She wanted to know more. She was one of those few whose heart and eyes and ears were open to the good news. Seeing someone like that always warmed my heart and seeing Mary made me really happy. It was always a welcome relief to see Mary. She understood and that made my time with her so beautiful.

She walked towards me, opened her bottle of perfume and just poured it out on me. People looked to see what she was doing. She was not one bit embarrassed. She was in fact proud of what she was doing for me. Only one thing mattered to her and that was to honour me. She then wiped my feet with her hair. It was untraditional for women to let loose their hair in public but she didn’t care. She didn’t care my feet was dusty. I knew her heart was completely devoted to me. She just sat there at my feet, not saying a word. Oh I loved her heart ! Such love and such yearning for God.

A few months later, I was sent word that Lazarus was very sick. Lazarus was the brother of Martha and Mary. I knew what my Father’s will was concerning Lazarus, so I didn’t rush to see them immediately but went a few days later.

My disciples wouldn’t let me go. It was near the end of my time on earth. It sometimes saddened me that in spite of having been with me for almost 3 years they still didn’t have complete trust in me. I was really looking forward to seeing Martha and Mary. I was going to raise Lazarus from the dead and I was so excited about it. This family deserved a miracle. Just thinking of seeing the three of them again made me happy.

When I got to Bethany, Lazarus had been dead for four days.

I could see their house from a distance and I could not wait to get there and raise Lazarus from the dead. I had to walk fast.

Even before I reached their home, I could see Martha come running toward me. She had been crying. She had tears all over her face. She barely managed – ‘Lord, had you been here, Lazarus would have been alive. ‘

I was sad to see her sad. But what grieved me more was what she said. Did she think it was too late for me? Did she think it was too late for a miracle? Did she think once a person died, they were out of my control?

I tried reasoning with her – Your brother will rise again. But she didn’t seem to understand or hear what I was saying. She was too caught up in her grief to understand.

She was one of my closest friends on Earth. Her family was very dear to me and had been a support to me. It was sad that she didn’t believe.

But surely Mary would understand. Surely Mary would believe. But where was Mary??

I thought Mary would come rushing to me but I hadn’t seen her yet.

I asked Martha – Where is Mary??

Martha went back home and told Mary that I had asked for her. It was only after that Mary came to see me.

It broke my heart to see Mary’s face as she came towards me. It was covered in tears. But surely Mary understood my ways better. She knew my heart better. Surely Mary knew better. Surely Mary believed?

She came to where I was and fell at me feet. And as I lifted her up, her voice came out in quiet sobs – Lord, if you were here, Lazarus would not have died !

Did Mary not know better? I thought Mary would know and believe it wasn’t too late for me? I thought Mary would understand and believe I had control over life and death? I thought Mary understood and trusted my power. I was saddened at the unbelief.

I couldn’t help the tears that welled up in my eyes. It broke my heart that Mary did not know too. She was someone who loved me and adored me but she didn’t believe I could bring Lazarus back from death. She thought it was over... She said ‘If only you were here…’ Tears flowed down my eyes…

Jesus Wept…

John 11: 33 – 35 When Jesus saw her sobbing and the Jews with her sobbing, a deep anger welled up within him… Jesus wept.

Hebrews 11:6 -  …without faith it is impossible to please God…

Mark 4:40 - Jesus said to them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith and confidence [in Me]?”

(P.S – In case you are wondering what happened to Lazarus?  Lazarus was raised from the dead and the sisters were very happy and they all dined together with Jesus. When Jesus prayed before raising Lazarus from the dead, he prayed that they would believe. )

A Beautiful Spider Web !

Woke up this morning with a ‘to do list’ running in my head. It’s almost like my head is awake before the rest of me, and starts working on a ‘to do list’. And even before I open my eyes, there is a list ready for me to start working on.

It was the same this morning, except this was a Saturday and my head hadn’t worked that out yet.

I like to be awake before my daughter is, so that I get some work done at a faster pace and check off  most things on my list before she’s awake. But today she was awake about 5 seconds after I was, and came to me saying – ‘Mama, I’m hungry.’

I thought since it was a Saturday, I would spend some time playing with her in our bed before we start our day. So we talked and joked and tickled and laughed. She talked about what she saw in her dream and also some stories from her imagination. Though I did enjoy that morning time with her, my mind was a little elsewhere, wondering what I could give her for breakfast and other such stuff.

But I did enjoy that time we got, rolling about, making conversation with each other and with imaginary friends. And making up stories.

Finally it was time to roll off the bed and go brush our teeth. I thought I had done enough of entertaining for the morning, and decided to quickly brush her teeth and give her, her breakfast so I could get started with my ‘to do list’.

But when we got to the bathroom, to brush our teeth, guess what? My daughter declared that the tooth pastes were fighting with each other. It took a lot of calming down and negotiations from her and me to get the toothpastes to stop fighting with each other. And then the face wash and the hand wash decided they were tooth pastes too. And we had to convince them they weren’t toothpastes and could not be used on our toothbrushes. Followed by a story and song to get her to brush her teeth. Though a major part of me was sure enjoying this, there was also a small part of me that kept going ‘tick tock’ against my ‘to do list’.

Eventually we got to the kitchen and while eating and making dosas, my daughter admired the yellow leaves outside and commented on how the green leaves turn yellow. She’s been learning about autumn at school and keeps looking out for the changing colours and falling leaves. Two orchid flowers fell off from our plant today and she said they fell because it’s autumn! J

And after breakfast she wanted to play with playdough, and she wanted me to join in. So we sat together and made a lot of playdough characters. She had a name for each of these characters. There was Sisa and ZeeZee and one more whose name I kept forgetting and she had to correct me each time.  For some reason she wanted to make sure that every playdough character had a bed and a blanket. Maybe it’s the effect of the cold weather we are in. So we made these characters and made sure each of them had a bed and a blanket.

And then we made humpty dumpty and then we had to make a wall for him to sit on. And then sang ‘humpty dumpty’ for like, I don’t know how many times. But it was a lot of fun. A lot of laughing and singing.

And then we sang and danced for a while, before we decided to paint and colour. She loves playing with paints so I poured out a little bit of finger paints for her. She enjoyed playing with them.

About this time, she decided she wanted to go play with dad.  She gave me a big hug before running upstairs.

And you would think I went back to doing my ‘to do list’. But No, I didnt. My little girl taught me what it is like to just sit and enjoy and paint and create and imagine and admire. My ‘to do list’ was long forgotten and had long lost the battle against the Sisas and ZeeZees from a four year old’s world. But I had so much to cherish.

When she gave me a sticker and said – ‘Mom, you are amaaaaaazing’  (She pulled at the aaaaa), I could truly relish and cherish that moment. Instead of just savouring it for four seconds and running away to check another item off my list, I bent down and told her how much I appreciated that she thought that and how happy it made me feel. And I could enjoy the look on her face as I told her that.

When she said, ‘Mom, you like me’, I could actually sit and realise what that meant, as I looked into her big beautiful eyes. I love her ‘Mom, you like me’ more than ‘Mom, I like you’, because the former declares that she is aware of what I feel about her, whereas the latter is something I always already know. So I told her that I’m so glad you know that and that I will always always like her, regardless.

When she said ‘Mamma, you are mickey and I am your Minnie’, Oh that made my heart totally melt ! Minnie is her snuggle toy at her bed. So for her to call herself my Minnie, is something I really cherish.

It’s about 2 in the afternoon when I am writing this and no, I am yet to have even one item off my ‘to do list’ and that doesn’t bother me anymore, cos they can all wait.

Of all the blessings that my four year old has been to me, one of the biggest has been that she has taught me to slow down. Because when I slow down I see the beauty of life. This autumn is different because of her. She taught me spider webs are beautiful. If she sees a spider web, she has to stop and admire it. Now I find myself clicking pictures of spider webs.

She loves looking out of our windows. A tram ride with her (if she is not tired, that is) is an eye opener. She brings out the beauty and difference in things that have gone by, completely unnoticed by me.

So basically what I am trying to say is, Slow Down. A clean house, laundry, organising, work are all very important things, but not more than enjoying the people in our life, the beauty around us, and the joy in feeling unrushed and calm J.  A ‘to do list’ when completed only gives rise to another ‘to do list’. So sometimes it’s good to keep them waiting.

I am reminded of this story from the Bible about Martha and Mary. Martha was the one with a ‘to do list’, while Mary decided to sit at the feet of Jesus. And when Martha was annoyed with Mary and told Jesus about it, Jesus told her she was worried about many things but what Mary had chosen to do was the good part and more important.

So, I am off for a walk with my little one to spot more spider webs and lady bugs and have some blue ice cream (her favourite). And I hope and pray you discover the beauty and happiness in slowing down.  J

Psalm 90:12- Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Psalm 127:1, 2 - Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to[a] those he loves.

Mark 6:31 -  Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

Jeremiah 2:25a - “Slow down. Take a deep breath. What’s the hurry? Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway?

The Little Giver

One of the supermarkets here had an offer, where for every 15 euros you spent you would get a small packet of Legos. The interesting thing about the Legos that was in this offer was that they could be used to make a small replica of your own supermarket.

 Our little girl loves Legos. And she’s very creative with them. So when we saw this advertisement, we started buying our groceries from this store so we could get her these Legos. It was very interesting to her because she has seen this supermarket and to build a miniature version of this was something that she found really interesting. So every time we went grocery shopping she would be thrilled to get these packets of Legos and open and see what pieces she had got each time.

During one such shopping trip, the lady at the counter probably noticed Gracia being a little too excited about the Legos. And so she gave us two extra packets of Legos besides what we already got for what we had spent.

There was a boy standing outside the store collecting these supermarket Legos. The people, who got these Legos and didn’t want them, were giving it to this boy. As I packed the groceries from the shopping cart into the bags, Gracia was just playing around and was interested in what the boy was doing. I explained to her that he was collecting Legos from those who didn’t want it. I am not entirely sure about what I actually explained because I was distracted unloading the shopping cart into the bags.

When we walked out of the store, Gracia gave away two of her unopened Lego packets. I know how much she likes those Legos. Legos, in itself, are special to her and this supermarket Legos are even more special. It really touched my heart and made me super proud that she would do that. Even the boy hesitated, wondering if he should get the Legos, as he was getting them from people who didn’t want them.

I couldn’t help but gush about it to my husband, when he came to pick us up. We were really super proud of her. I told my husband how the lady at the cash counter had given her two extra packets and how she gave the two extra that she got, away.

Can God trust you with extra??

There were so many kids at that store and Gracia was the one who got extra packets. I felt like God knew he could trust her with extra, that she wouldn’t keep it for herself but give it away. That made me reflect about what I do with my extra. If you want more, you need to give more. Can God trust you with giving you extra?? If you don’t give, you will have just enough for whatever you need. Start giving so that God can trust you with extra. And when he gives you extra, you give away your extra and more. Can God trust you with extra?

No excuses to not give !!

Her bed time story that night was about the widow who gave her two cents, which impressed Jesus. And it spoke to me as I read the story out to her. The two cents was all the widow had and she gave her ‘all’ away.

I realised there can be no excuses to not give. This widow gave all she had. If she could do that, no one could have any kind of excuse to not give.

Giving inspires

A few days later I mentioned this in Gracia’s school book. There is this book from her school to mention anything we want to celebrate in our child and they read that out in the class to encourage and celebrate that act. When I showed it to her teacher, her teacher said that the credit should go to the parents too, as she must have seen us give, to learn giving. But in all honesty, it was more true the other way round, I was inspired by her. I remember after she gave her two packets of Legos, I was reminded of some money I had been putting away to buy something and I wanted to give that away. My giving was inspired by her giving. Giving inspires.

I had pinched and saved that money but after seeing Gracia give her Legos away so easily, it somehow didn’t matter as much to me anymore. I could give away easily too. Giving inspires.

Giving gives more than it takes

A week later when we went back to the store, a lady came up to Gracia and had a little chat with her and just before leaving she gave her 6 packets of unopened Legos !! She said her kids were too old to play with them and she’d rather give it to someone who could use it. By this time, Gracia had completely forgotten how she had given her Legos away to another kid. My husband and I were so thrilled at how she got back much more than she gave. And that kind lady came back again, looking for us in that big store, to give us two more unopened packets !!

There’s something my mom always told us as kids – ‘You never lose by giving’! I’ve seen her give away from the little that she had and she always explained that by giving she never lost anything.

Now when I see my little girl play with her mini supermarket and arrange and rearrange and build her little store, I am so proud of the girl she is growing up to be. I am so proud that this little heart has already learnt to give. I am so proud of what God is doing in her and teaching her. I am so proud she’s God’s little reminder to us, to give. I am so proud she’s a little giver.

2 Corinthians 9: 6 -7 - Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

Matthew 6:21 - For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Luke 16:10 - Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.

Luke 6:38 - Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Phil 4:19 - And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

“Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”

There is this man who sits by this pool of Bethesda. The speciality of this pool is that from time to time an angel would stir the water in the pool and the first one to step into the pool once this happened would be healed of whatever disease the person had. 

This sick man, sat right by that pool. The healing pool. And yet he remained sick for 38 years.

Till one day Jesus came along. What Jesus asked him makes me think. Whenever Jesus did a miracle, he usually asked the person if they had faith or if they believed. But here He asks the sick man – “Do you WANT to get well? “

“Do you WANT to get well? “

This question echoes in my head. This isn’t just a question to the sick man by the pool. It’s also a question to me- ‘Do I WANT to get well?

There was an area in my life that had a huge storm blowing and initially though I did try, somewhere along with the way, I gave up. I stopped trying. And somewhere along the way, I had made peace with the storm. I had become okay to live with the storm. I had given up ! And this question came right at me ‘Do you WANT to get well?’

This man was at the healing pool. He had made that journey to the pool. It was a journey he made because he WANTED healing. I am sure he tried hard every time the water was stirred. Maybe he tried harder after his failed attempt. Maybe he tried again and again and again. But eventually, he gave up ! He stopped trying.  And when you stop trying, you eventually end up not WANTING either.

There were many sick people around the pool. Jesus came looking for this man. Why? Because he had been there 38 years. This probably meant he was there for the longest time. 

John 5:6 - When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

The man’s response is even more interesting than Jesus’s question. I would think he would say something like – ‘YES, Of course!!!’ But instead the man lists his reasons of why he hasn’t been able to make it to the pool. ‘There’s no one to help me’  ’Someone always gets in before me’… !!

As idiotic as that may sound, that was pretty much my response too. ‘She did that’ ’He did that’...

Your problems could be because of others. But you remain there only because of yourself. Stop blaming others. Stop waiting for others to change.

Sometimes we begin to enjoy our pity party too much that we become happy in it. We are happy to list out who did what to us. You go through the same reasons over and over and over again that it gives you a sense of contentment and suddenly before you realise it, you have given up.

John5:7 - “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

But Jesus does not give up. I am so relieved, by this point in the story that Jesus didn’t give up. He didn’t give up on me. He didn’t give up on the sick man. Thank God !

Jesus responds – Get Up !! His response is more of a stern command than a gentle bidding. “Get Up !!”

First, Get Up from that mat you have been lying on for 38 years !! Get Up from the pity party you are having for yourself. Get Up from ‘not trying’. Get Up from waiting for others/situation to change. Get Up from hopelessness. Get Up !!

Second, Take Responsibility for yourself!  Jesus tells the healed man - ‘Pick up your mat and walk!’

Pick up YOUR mat and walk !! Not someone else pick up 'your' mat. 'You' pick up 'your' mat and walk !! Snap out of the ‘princess syndrome’ and the pity party and pick up YOUR mat and walk !!

Pick up YOUR mat and walk!! Take responsibility for your life !! No one is responsible to take care of you, to make sure you are healed, to make sure you are happy, to make sure you are taken care of !!

You are responsible for that. Don’t think someone else is responsible for your life. Don’t have the entitlement mentality. Get rid of the mentality that someone else is supposed to fix your problem.

Be willing to pray, but also be willing to do your part !! Get rid of your wishbone and get a backbone !!

You may be stuck in a situation because of someone else. But you remain there only because of yourself. Look up to God. Pray. Pray more. Fast and Pray. Read God’s word. Meditate on God’s word. Sit at his feet, till your mind is open and your eyes can clearly see. Till you know what you should do.

John 5: 8 - 8 Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”

Even after the man was healed, his ‘victim mentality’ and his thinking does not seem to change. He sounds like he puts the blame on Jesus when the Jewish leaders question him for carrying his mat. So much so that Jesus eventually finds him again and warns him to stop sinning lest something worse happens to him.

There was no change in his thinking.  He’s still the man who sat sick for 38 years !!

Change your thinking. Stop thinking like a ‘victim’. You are not a victim. Every child of God is a victor. Change your thinking. God created us to be strong confident people !!
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If our way of thinking does not change, there is a high chance of something even worse happening. It could be brought about by others, but you will have only yourself to blame. It’s scary what 'victim' thinking can do to you.

It’s often very tempting to get into a pity cycle. But it’s a dangerous cycle. Not just for yourself but also for those you love. Stay out of it ! Ask for God’s strength to stay out of it !

You may be facing a crumbling/crumbled marriage.  It could be a stressful job/ no job. It could be financial problems. It could be not having children/having trouble parenting. It could be sickness. Don’t stop trying. You don’t want to lie down on a mat for 38 years, when you are right next to the healing pool ! Don’t quit. Don’t stop wanting. God wants us to WANT beautiful happy marriages, beautiful happy jobs, beautiful happy finances, beautiful happy godly children, beautiful healthy lives.

* Start to WANT again. (Ask God for help when you don’t want to WANT).
* Stop blaming others and the situation. (Your God is stronger than they.)
* Take responsibility for your life. (The only person you can change is yourself)
* Change your thinking. Bring in a Godly thinking. (You will need to pray and meditate on God’s word and Praise Worship to do that).

“Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”

Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Proverbs 17:22 - A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.