Last week a dear friend of mine, left me a voice message.
Listening to it, I knew she had been crying. She sounded so sad and broken and
the exact words she said as she sobbed were – ‘he is trying to destroy me’.
Can someone’s words destroy you?
Proverbs 11:9 – The
loose tongue of the godless spreads destruction…
Proverbs 12: 18 – Rash language cuts and
maims…
So it is true that words can
destroy.
One of the cold winter days
here, when we were out, my daughter was jumping, running and being her usual
self, regardless of the cold. I went up to her and gave her a hug telling her I
felt cold and needed some warmth. And then decided to turn it into a play
moment by telling her ‘I have taken all your warm and given you all my cold’.
She ran after me laughing and giggling and gave me back a hug and said ‘Mama,
Now I have taken back my warm and returned your cold back’ and went running
away as I chased after her to give her another hug. It was fun for her for
about 2 or 3 times as she screamed and laughed but after that, she began to get
worried. After about the third time, she had tears in her eyes as she went up
to my husband and said ‘Mama took all my warm and gave me her cold and now I
feel cold’ !! When I saw it wasn’t fun for her anymore, I came back to her and
gave her a hug and explained to her how hugs cannot give you someone’s cold and
how hugs only gave more warmth to both the people. It’s become like a game now
which she plays every now and then, only that it doesn’t affect her anymore, when
I hug her telling her I’ve taken her warmth and given her my cold.
Know the truth!
What someone says is a
reflection of them. Not you. It does hurt. It does sting. But honestly,
believing it or getting affected by it, is the same as my five year old getting
affected by me saying my hug could take away her warm.
Knowing the truth is the
first step. Destroying words spoken by you, is you. Destroying words spoken by
someone else is not you, it’s the other person. How you react to that, however,
is you.
Being human, it’s hard not
to get hurt by stinging words. But some tips that help are:
1. 1. Pause. Pause when you feel attacked and want to
give back a stinging reply. Pause till you are calm. It is important to stand
up for yourself. But do that in an assertive way. Being assertive does NOT
involve using stinging words.
2. 2. Practise. Step one is knowing the truth, Step two
is practising it. It is hard work practising it. But keep on keeping on. Tell
yourself again and again these words are not me. How I react to this, is me.
Practise your reaction. And the more you practise, the stronger you get and
eventually, you reach a point where you can respond to an attack, without
needing a pause.
3. 3 Step back. Sometimes stepping back is stepping
forward. Step back if you need to. Stinging words are a form of verbal abuse. Know
when to fight and when to walk away.
4. 4. Run to God. This should actually be your step
one. The above mentioned steps will not be possible without God. Run to God for
strength, help, wisdom and courage.
Be someone who builds people
up. Make sure that everyone who comes in contact with you leaves feeling
encouraged and stronger and closer to God. Be a builder.
Proverbs 12:18 Rash language cuts and maims, but there is
healing in the words of the wise.
